Everyone's relationships are different but sometimes we face
similiar issues. Relationship problems with your spouse, family,
co-worker, or friend effect your personal growth, success and well
being.
A close couple relationship provides an ideal opportunity for many
of the essential emotional needs of both partners to be met.
However, relationship problems can occur when one both of you feel
that your needs aren't being met.
A relationship can also become troubled if you either misuse or do
not maximise your natural resources. Not taking care of your own
emotional needs can lead you to become unhappy and suffer with
emotional, mental,social, and relationship problems.
For example, as people one of our must important emotional needs
is attention. If you feel that you are not getting enough attention
then problems may start to arise in your relationship.
It is important, however, to try to achieve a healthy balance.
Asking for too much attention, or perhaps even becoming demanding or
manipulative, obviously isn't going to make for a happy relationship
or marriage either.
The following are ways to solve relationship problems :
- Understand Each Other's Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were
manage or not manage in your partners family. It is not unusual for
couples to discover that their families had different ways of
expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good
at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself
permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
- Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to
resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one
or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out" period
can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the
moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are
most important. Remember-if you angry with your partner but don't know
what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to
figure it out!
- Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support
involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that
he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them
met. Find out how your partner show his or her love for you, and don't
set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave
differently before you are satisfied.
- Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some
issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than
continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate
a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
- Distinguish Between Things You Want Versus Things You Need from Your
Partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner
to remember to pick up you up on time after dark. But calling you
several times a day may really only be a "want".
- Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but
direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify
what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being
able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example,
you might say, "i would like you to hold my hand more often" rather
than the vague, "i wish you were more affectionate."
- Discuss One Thing At a Time. It can be tempting to list your
concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolog an argument.
Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at atime.
- Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following : (a)
don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than
on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard
your partner say. You might start this process with : "i think you are
saying ... " or "what i understood you to say was ... ". This step
alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into
a fight.
- Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit"
themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking
are typically the happiest.
- Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal
is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in
conflict situation. Ask yourself : "is what i am about to say or do
going to increase or discrease the odds that we will work this problem
out?"
