How to Solve Relationship Problems

  Everyone's relationships are different but sometimes we face

similiar issues. Relationship problems with your spouse, family,

co-worker, or friend effect your personal growth, success and well

being.

    A close couple relationship provides an ideal opportunity for many

of the essential emotional needs of both partners to be met.

    However, relationship problems can occur when one both of you feel

that your needs aren't being met.

    A relationship can also become troubled if you either misuse or do

not maximise your natural resources. Not taking care of your own

emotional needs can lead you to become unhappy and suffer with

emotional, mental,social, and relationship problems.

    For example, as people one of our must important emotional needs

is attention. If you feel that you are not getting enough attention

then problems may start to arise in your relationship.

    It is important, however, to try to achieve a healthy balance.

Asking for too much attention, or perhaps even becoming demanding or

manipulative, obviously isn't going to make for a happy relationship

or marriage either.

    The following are ways to solve relationship problems :

• Understand Each Other's Family Patterns. Find out how conflicts were
  manage or not manage in your partners family. It is not unusual for
  couples to discover that their families had different ways of
  expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn't good
  at communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself
  permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
• Timing Counts. Contrary to previous notions, the best time to
  resolve a conflict may not be immediately. It is not unusual for one
  or both partners to need some time to cool off. This "time-out" period
  can help you avoid saying or doing hurtful things in the heat of the
  moment, and can help partners more clearly identify what changes are
  most important. Remember-if you angry with your partner but don't know
  what you want yet, it will be nearly impossible for your partner to
  figure it out!
• Establish an Atmosphere of Emotional Support. Emotional support
  involves accepting your partner's differences and not insisting that
  he or she meet your needs only in the precise way that you want them
  met. Find out how your partner show his or her love for you, and don't
  set absolute criteria that require your partner to always behave
  differently before you are satisfied.
• Agree to Disagree and Move On. Most couples will encounter some
  issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than
  continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate
  a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
• Distinguish Between Things You Want Versus Things You Need from Your
  Partner. For example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner
  to remember to pick up you up on time after dark. But calling you
  several times a day may really only be a "want".
• Clarify Your Messages. A clear message involves a respectful but
  direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify
  what you really want before talking to your partner. Work on being
  able to describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example,
  you might say, "i would like you to hold my hand more often" rather
  than the vague, "i wish you were more affectionate."
• Discuss One Thing At a Time. It can be tempting to list your
  concerns or grievances, but doing so will likely prolog an argument.
  Do your best to keep the focus on resolving one concern at atime.
• Really Listen. Being a good listener requires the following : (a)
  don't interrupt, (b) focus on what your partner is saying rather than
  on formulating your own response, and (c) check out what you heard
  your partner say. You might start this process with : "i think you are
  saying ... " or "what i understood you to say was ... ". This step
  alone can prevent misunderstandings that might otherwise develop into
  a fight.
• Restrain Yourself. Research has found that couples who "edit"
  themselves and do not say all the angry things they may be thinking
  are typically the happiest.
• Adopt a "Win-Win" Position. A "win-win" stance means that your goal
  is for the relationship, rather than for either partner, to "win" in
  conflict situation. Ask yourself : "is what i am about to say or do
  going to increase or discrease the odds that we will work this problem
  out?"